Over dinner one night, a (male) friend teasingly said, “But you hate men.”
I laughed and said, “No, not men—patriarchy, and entitlement which harms both genders.” I paused then continued, “It’s not my fault that the most entitled group in the U.S. happens to be white males.” He nodded.
Not counting my jesting friend, I’ve found it amazing that when I point out the evident, others inject an assumptive opinion about what I mean or think, often trying to discount me personally for noticing and speaking up.
This is especially true if I verbalize anything to do with patriarchy. In my experience, the tetchiest people in the world are men. I’m old-ish now and I’ve been talking about the damage patriarchy has had on women, men, children, fauna, flora, dirt and the galaxies since I was a teenager, yet I can count on three fingers the times a man wasn’t defensive about this. You know, the tired (and dismissive) trope, “Not all men.” This is especially true as income level rises.
First, no one is talking about You unless You identify with what is being seen/said.
Secondly, if something is obvious, it’s still not personal. It’s just obvious.
Thirdly, I’m not the only person who can identify this as a problem [see: testosterone: the most lethal substance on earth (george carlin)]. Observing something—female or male—doesn’t mean anyone’s choosing sides. Just because I see it and I’m female doesn’t mean I fabricated it or that it’s erroneous.
I’m on the side of ‘truth,’ not gender, the side of repeated empirical and anecdotal evidence. I just want “it” to get better, people—not to be right, which, BTW, tends to be more of a male concern.
Zen tenet suggests that misery comes from not accepting “what is.” If you can’t look out at our world and not see that women are often prey, do 70% of the world’s work, bring home 17-30 % less than men (look it up)—just because, have males trying to regulate their wombs with laws and panels to discuss reproductive rights populated only by men, carry the emotional bulk of ‘relationships,’ put in 4-5 more hours of domestic-related work than men, and that 95-97% of mainstream media, movies, TV are created by men most of which rarely pass the Bechdel Test, ad infinitum, ad nauseum…then you don’t have senses.
Women don’t cause the majority of the world’s conflict, are rarely terrorists, attackers, molesters nor do they blow the tops off of mountains, clear-cut, create CAFOs or—basically—throw Planet Earth under the bus. No, they don’t. See rabble, rabble, rabble : : women create, men destroy for more rant-ress information.
How about stepping out of denial and step up to acknowledgment. The first course of action in healing anything is to accept “what is,” to name it. If you won’t do that, there are no other moves.
As Schopenhauer said: All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. Let’s race for Self-Evident, okay?